AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Welcome, Sir/Madam/Title of unspecified gender. The reason you are hearing/reading/feeling/smelling/tasting this right now is because you have been swept up by a rogue dimensional vortex. Do not panic, as this is a normal, everyday occurrence. Many people may raise a debate about this fact, but one thing is certain, this is definitely an occurance.

By now you may be wondering to yourself, “If I’m in a dimensional vortex, then why am I sitting in an armchair in front of a warm fireplace instead of whirling around a rip in the space-time continuum like some deranged tilt-a-whirl gone mad?” That would be my doing, for conveniences, both of yours, because nobody in their right mind wants to sit through a dimensional vortex unprotected and without comfortable seating, and anybody not in their right mind may hesitate to do so anyway, and mine, mainly because vomit is hell to get cleaned up.

You may also be wondering to yourself, “Hey! Why the hell am I in a dimensional vortex in the first place?” Again. My fault. You see, the dimension you are about to enter is the almighty Zeroth Dimension… No. Zeroth is not a word, but it is the name people usually call this damned place, so sit your butt down, you Nazi.

Anywho. The Zeroth Dimension is called such because, normally, it holds nothing, or ‘Zero of anything,’ thus the name. The reason I say normally is because myself and my cohorts have recently been throwing our more dangerous pieces of treasure into there.

… Oh don’t look at me like that. If you had access to an infinite amount of space, you would toss the shit you didn’t want in here too.

Anywho. Due to the massive amount of things we’ve dumped into that pit, the Zeroth Dimension has reversed its dimensional properties, going from the dimension that has nothing, to the dimension that wants everything, but it doesn’t have everything, so the dimension itself started to take random things from other dimensions to fill its infinite void. For anyone unsure about it, that is indeed ‘a bad thing.’ Thanks to this event, I don’t even know what we have in the Zeroth anymore, so traversing it and staying in one piece has become a challenge. Apparently, the Zeroth likes to take things from the more dangerous parts of the various multi-verses. I think it’s just a phase. To keep more dangerous creatures and items then we want from entering the dimension, I set up a little artifact that keeps random portals from showing up and plucking things into the dimension.

Now I know what you’re thinking, “Then why am I on my way there right now.” To keep things quick. The artifact broke, I don’t know why, and I’m working on fixing it. Your next wonder may be, “Why are you warning me about this right now when you should be fixing something."

I'm not actually here. This is all a recording whose sole purpose is to keep you from saying nobody ever warned you about anything.

Next to your chair, you will find a clipboard with a sheet of paper and a pen. Kindly fill out this piece of paper while I explain some important rules about this dimension.
Now, first off: Don't feed the bears. I know you've heard it a number of...

Name (given at birth or otherwise) :
Age (In Earth years, please. It's hell to calculate the date of birth when you include your age on Krypton, or something. ) :
Place of orign (We can't get you back home if we don't know where that is.) :
Moral Alignment (Remember. The gift shop has a 15% off 'Neutral Good' discount.) :
Biography (Keep it to the basics and the important bits. I don't want to go through a novel on every paper when I have to file these away.) :
Where you landed (Just write down one of the locations I'm going to list off after you finish reading this.) :

... And two things you most definitely need to remember, are as follows: my cohorts are here to help you in anyway you can. Myself included there are five of us. A knight, a red mage, a white mage, a ranger, and a thief(of sorts). You'll be able to identify us by the fact that we carry some sort of light around here. Anyone who does not carry a light is most likely out to drink your blood or harvest your soul.

Secondly, there is no way we can map this dimension, simply because nothing ever stays in one place, except for one little island for the middle. That's my island and it doesn't move because I made it that way. This island is always and forever at the center of the dimension and is easily identifiable by the large, temple-ish structure in the center. But don't come over there and bug me while I'm trying to fix this place. My cohorts have been able to mark a few of the more 'worthy of some mention' islands floating around the dimensions. The possible islands you can land on after this include but are not limited to are:

The Rock of Clocks: Largely self explanatory. It's a huge rock, and it mainly consists of either rocks or clocks. Some of the more 'bearable' residents of the Zeroth have made camp up in the four clock towers jutting from the massive rock. Travel difficulty: Easy

The Red: A large chunk of land that came from parts unknown. All of the plant life and water is blood red, but it's mostly safe to eat, and what isn't safe to eat doesn't have the patience to wait until you eat it to try and kill you. Moderately hospitable, dotted by a few camps of races that may or may not be hostile to strangers. Travel difficulty: Easy

The Sand-Lake: A large chunk of the legendary Sand-Sea, though we don't remember which one. What we do remember is that it's infested with sand worms, sand sharks, sand crocodiles, sand... Just stay off the sand. They've also got an old pyramid somewhere. Travel difficulty: Medium

The Thicket: Creatively named by our local mage and thief, The Thicket is a large chunk of generic-assed jungle filled with generic-assed, dangerous plant-life along with generic-assed, hungry animals. Travel difficulty: Generically Medium.

The Bestiary: This was a little science experiment of mine. I wanted to see if I couldn't build a place where people could view the most dangerous creatures in the known universes in a safe and fun environment. Let's just say... I got two out of those three goals down, and the fun environment is one of them. Travel Difficulty: Hard

The Dungeon: One of my more successful experiments. It's what I like to fiddle with whenever I feel like being an evil Dungeon Master or something. You've got traps, hordes of evil creatures, and even more traps galore! Get out alive and you win a free game of mini-golf! Travel Difficulty: Hard

The Underbelly: The so-called 'bottom' of this infinite dimension. It's where we tend to banish the more evil beings that have the ability to use the things in this dimension and take over the world of their choosing. We've been hearing odd noises coming from it lately. Maybe throwing the most evil bits of this dimension in one place wasn't a good idea... Travel Difficulty: We'll be informing your next of kin. If you have any.

If you've finished with your sheet, just set it, the clipboard, and the pen, you little thief, on the table next to you, then you'll be on your fantastic, horrifying, and possibly fun adventure while I try to fix everything and get back home. Or, you can stay in that armchair, holding that clipboard until you starve. The choice is yours, and yours alone.

Name: John Trebolt
Age: 23
Place Of Origin: Hollywood
Moral Alignment: Lawful Good
Biography: He's a famous actor, Millionaire, and scientist. Because of a failed experiment, he and his sister, Lucy Trebolt, found themselves in this place.
Place Of Landing: Rock Of Clocks

Name: Lucy Trebolt
Age:19
Place Of Origin:Hollywood
Moral Alignment: Neutral Good
Biography: Actor, Sister of John, and nurse. She went with John to see his new experiment, and she found herself in this world.
Place Of Landing: The Rock Of Clocks

Half-booty your paperwork? Fine then.

John Asdfname falls through a portal into the Zeroth Dimension, but the portal closes just has his legs fall through, leaving his torso and head to float in the space in between spaces until it ends up in the lap of an attractive movie actress during filming of a remake of Star Wars III.

Turn to page 1 to try again.

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Page 1

Both John and Lucy found themselves landing in front of a kind of merchant stand, whose owner peered over the counter, adding hi copious looks to the others coming from the various shaped and sized residents.

Name: Zephiur Aernheit
Age: 26
Place of origin: Mekanos, of Cavarel
Moral Alignment: Neutral Good (fuck you he's a westerner stereotype)
Biography: Born to one of the greatest engineers of Mekanos, the city of outlaws, Zephiur grew up in a somewhat dangerous environment. He learned defense from his father, as well as the craft of engineering. By the time Zephiur was 16, he had already crafted his own clockwork rifle. Sadly, his father died of a heart attack from the pride of his son becoming an engineer. Zephiur naturally took over the family business, but put his rifle away for good, feeling that it was his fault that his father died. Instead, he turned his skills towards becoming one of the Enforcers, Mekanos' equivalent of a police force. At the age of 20 he was accepted into the ranks, and crafted a pair of twin pistols to commemorate the occasion and serve as his weapons of choice for his life to come. However, during the crafting of said pistols, he messed up a calculation that ended up causing an intensely-focused reaction, slicing off his right arm and part of his torso. Lucky for him, the second-best engineer in all of Mekanos lived close by (these artisan types tended to stick together) and noticed the reaction and started helping Zephiur immediately. After several weeks of intense care and tinkering, Zephiur was fitted with a shiny new mechanical arm and part-of-torso. Zephiur didn't like it, because it felt too clunky, so he postponed his pistol development into building a better arm, adding in a slew of new features. During the process of building this arm, he had an epiphany for a reactor that could harness the latent elemental energies of the universe and condense them into a physical form. He went ahead and put this in the arm too, and found it could power his mechanisms on its own. After outfitting himself with the arm, he finished the pistols and went on his way.
Where you landed: Rock of Clocks

John: "We have to find a way home.... Lucy? Lucy, are you even listening?"
Lucy: "(I hope this merchant has some new clothes!) Hey, shop guy! what do you have for sale?"

Haha, I'm pretty sure this is meant to be more of a regular RP rather than necessarily a text-adventure type thing like we've all been doing recently, right?

Yeah, I'm really looking forward to giving my redesigned not-a-teen Zephiur a good try.

--Yeah. This is meant to be a normal RP, with yours truely playing your DM this time around.--

John and Lucy seems to have fallen into, what looks like, a sideways clocktower turned into a merchant lane. The building is dimly lit and lined with merchant stands on either side. Most of the windows provide a nice view of a large red island not too far from the tower.

The merchant shakes his head at Lucy, clearly not being able to speak her language, yet still understand it.

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Zephiur Aernhiet, however, is dumped from his portal into an upright clock tower. He's unceremoniously dropped onto a make-shift steel platform bolted into the wall, connected to other platforms both above and below by rope ladders. This tower is better lit then the others and the windows provide a view of a massive circle of sand floating in the distance.

Lucy: "Oh well, atleast I can go window shopping! thanks anyway!"

The merchant let's out a small sound that's between a mix of an onik and a grunt before jumping down from from the counter. The other resisdents stare at the pair in caution and fasination.

John: "What the?! Why is everybody staring at us!?"
Lucy: "Oh! must have been something I said, sorry 'bout that! anyway, let's see what these shops have."

A small voice pipes up from below John, "They're all stareing because it's been a while since they've seen a human, and they're wondering how long you'll survive here," Said a small green creature, no higher then John's right ankle.

John: "Huh? Who are you?"

"My name is Squick. I'm six cycles old. My daddy put me in charge of pointing out the places to the friendly people tht land here, and keeping the bad people from running away with my teeth." The creature stated, showing her impossibly sharp rows of teeth. "You aren't bad people. Are you Mister?"

John: "We are not bad people at all! Right Lucy?"
Lucy: "Right!"
John: "Also, Whats a cycle?"