AWKWARD ZOMBIE

In retrospect, "I think I might have a crush on your ex girlfriend" was probably a good distance past some line at which I should have stopped.
My friend minded about as much as I expected her to(not at all), but it's still a stupid thing for me to have said.

So my neighbour returned today, and she handed me a giant package of Merci chocolate.

I

I only checked for their mail twice, it's really nothing special

The time

when your lying awake at night

and in one room you can hear your brother having sex with his girlfriend

and the other your cousin geting high on weed

at least he was quiet about it and went to sleep imidiatly though

Almost sort of confessed to my crush

Now I just have to hope she hasn't misunderstood and assumed I'm asking for her blessing (of sorts) to ask her ex-girlfriend out. Have I mentioned lately that my romantic life reminds me of a sitcom?

EDIT: ah ha ha man she totally did. Also I clarified things and it went well but I still think it was pretty awward so I'm leaving this post here.

I guess I'll just post here since this took over User Stories.
I was once at a vendor event/fashion show thing of sorts, and I noticed that I was basically the only male there. So when I went to the bathroom I thought "Hey, I'm the only male here, I could safely go in the handicap stall."
THE VERY
MOMENT
I SAT DOWN
SOMEONE WALKED IN
And he was audibly breathing through his mouth so I got uncomfortable, which of course made it hard to go. So I just sat there waiting for it to come out, and him to go out. But of course neither EVER happened, because it turned out that guy was part of the fashion show, and he needed to change. So after I don't know how many minutes of waiting, I walked, no, fled out of the stall, saw the guy shirtless, barely washed my hands, and ran out of the bathroom, hoping I wouldn't see that guy again.
Goddamn.

One time I re-introduced myself to someone at a party that I had just met that previous day. She uh, she looked really different with make-up on.

You don't have to feel bad. She disguised herself. Compliment her on her talent.

I'm not at all sure how to respond to my ex mentioning that she doesn't have any interest in facebattling/romantic things unless it's in one of her ships.
Like what can I even possibly say that wouldn't send the (mostly incorrect) message that I'm not over her?

I'm just going to pretend this is revenge for all the messages I've sent that went unanswered, I guess.

Okay so my father can't stand me for more than one week at a time, so every Tuesday he dumps me at my mother's house and comes back the week after. The problem is that one of my two sisters knows that my mother did not talk to me since the end of October, 2010, but the other one does not, and I never know when my sisters will come visit my mother, so I can only hope that I don't meet the wrong sister because that would be awkward.
This week, I'm at my mother's house. This afternoon, there's a family reunion (my father's side) not so far from my mother's house, so that sister decided to visit my mother today before heading to the family reunion. She called yesterday and I was alone so I picked up the phone. I had to pretend that there was nothing wrong and that she could come today, and I could just hope that it would not work. They arrived about one hour ago and I have stayed hidden in a room with the door closed since then, but now they know that there's something wrong. Also oops, they're supposed to pick me up before going to the reunion, which means they will probably ask questions and I will have to explain why I have been lying for two years.
Family is fun!

If you have nothing to feel bad about, you have nothing to feel awkward about. Unless someone else wears the same headdress/cranial accessories/turban/"shit on yo' head" to the reunion.

My friend is making a penis-shaped cake and I went with her in to the shop that sells the pans for them... Among other things.

I spent the entire time just kind of looking at my phone and standing in front of a strobe light so she could actually see the labels on the pans.


I just really wasn't expecting to go to a sex shop when I woke up today.

but going to sex shops is /fun/!!

especially when you go with a friend

last time i went to one they actually had really nice shoes

Sex shops have the best porno knockoffs. My friends and I saw a Cosby Show porno at one of our local sex shops. We nearly got it.

Sex shops are hilarious.

Oh god Dad and I just got back from the grocery store and my friend Garrett was on shift there
I didn't even know he worked there and I was dressed all sloppy because I couldn't be assed to put on some proper clothes
Just some baggy pants and one of Dad's shirts
And my hair's all greasy and sweaty because I haven't taken a shower yet

Then we went to check out and I was buying some feminine pads and he was the bagger and dgsjfddfgfgk
Basically he put them in a bag, arranged the bags on the counter, and walked outside to go round up the carts
I was trying so daisies hard to pay attention to something else augh
Then when we walked outside we talked really awkwardly about seeing each other tomorrow and stuff
Oh my god have I ever been this embarrassed before
I just wanna take a shower and hide in my covers